Gifts for the relatives you never see

[scarlettdouble]

DH has a 90 year old grandfather that lives halfway across the country. It's hard for us to get together, but it's nice when we are able. Every year at Christmas a package arrives with little somethings for DH, DS and myself. Mostly knick knack items, but sweet to be remembered. I am always hard at work to think of what to get DGF and his wife. Last year I sent a box full of Chirstmas napkins, paper plates, hot cocoa mix and coffees, and candy. DGF's wife's kids live close by and spend holidays together so I knew it would be useful. I have no idea what to get them this year. They have everything and did I mention he is 90!! Any great ideas out there?

[fstrpstr]

It's wonderful to hear that a 90 year old grandfather still sends Christmas gifts. Home made goodies would be a nice gift for an older couple. Or perhaps a gift card to their favorite eating establishment.

[Angela Macy]

I had a pretty rotten childhood and wasn't able to see my grandparents because my mother couldn't get a long with them....or anyone else for that matter. When I was 18 I was out driving around - something I did a lot at that time because things at home were dreadful so I stayed there as little as I could. Anyhoo, I ended up in my grandparents neighborhood. I hadn't seen them in 10 years. I got to thinking that those people had never done anything to me, and it would probably make their day if I stopped by to see them. It did.

I admit though, it was a little awkward and still is to this day. Those ten years caused me to miss out on a lot of family events and family bonding.

I moved away 5 years ago and hadn't seen them since then, but had other contact with them through phone and mail. They hadn't even met my husband!

Their in their 90's and my husbands grandmother had died earlier last year at age 94. So last year around this time I started thinking I should really go and see them before it was too late. It's hard to describe, but I wanted myself to want to go. But like I said, it was always awkward and family subjects were a bad subject (I was forced to cut ties with my mother....long story for another day).

So we went up there to Virginia and spent 3-4 hours with them the week before Christmas. My grandfather pulled out a 5 inch binder packed full of family geneology - he was very proud of it! We had a very nice lunch - reminded me of how things had been prior to the big family spat my mother created. My husband loved the food and really enjoyed himself. My grandparents enjoyed it too.

I took them an Icebox Coconut Cake and some Butter Pecan Fudge. I think that meant more to them than any monetary gift I could have given.

I'm not sure yet whether we're going to go see them this year or not. Its the same as last year - I want to want to go - I wish it wasn't awkward.

Obviously we aren't close enough to do the gift giving thing, but in a different situation, if we were closer, I would send them a calendar that I had custom made using our digital photos from this past year. I think they'd really be touch and would enjoy that a lot. That way they'd have a litte peice of us in their home all year round!!

Sorry I got off the subject there, I do love to ramble on....basically my point was when people are in their 90's they charish the time you spend with them and the small things you give them that are more precious in value than monetary. But then again, the gifts you gave them last year were very useful and would probably go over well again this year.

[Phoenixcokking]

I have an "Aunt" (really just an old family friend ) of an undetermined age as she won't tell anyone. Our best guess puts her in her mid 80's she has no family in New York so she spent her holidays with mine when I was growing up. Each year I send her a little something for Christmas, a hat or gloves, a pin for coat along with some home made treats. She likes things she wear to take to the senior center and show her friends what Godchildren send form all the way in AZ or where every we lived that year. It did not matter how small she just loves that we take the time to put a little something in mail to her.

[cdot30]

My grandmother is 86 and for more than a decade she has told everyone NOT to get her anything. At that age they just don't want or need "stuff". She still sends gifts(money) to each person in the family though. That being said I have given in to the motto "If it can't be consumed, don't send it". You can send lovely food baskets from many retailers. A nice gesture may be to send a Framed family picture. It's not consumable but it may be treasured.

[outothebox]

About ten or so years ago my grandmother told us that they didn't need anything else that needed dusting. I give her notecards (sometimes even ones I've made myself) and chocolates and I usually give Granddaddy diabetic chocolates (because I can get fancy ones here) and maybe a CD that I think he might enjoy. I think the photo idea is a good one -- if they're anything like my grandparents, they get 10+ calendars a year with all the different things they belong to and insurance and charities, etc -- this isn't to say that a family photo one wouldn't be appreciated.

[scarlettdouble]

What about a wreath or an arrangement from LL BEan (or similar catalog)? Anyone ever sent one of those?

[eHelen]

What about a wreath or an arrangement from LL BEan (or similar catalog)? Anyone ever sent one of those?
Our REALTOR sent us a live wreath from LLB or one of the similar places the first Christmas we were in this house. It was wonderful and stayed green for a long time.

I also like the idea of sending pictures of your family, your home, church, etc. to let him see where you are at various times. For example, a picture of your child riding a trike, swimming, swinging, dressed for Halloween, etc. Even if he has seen your important places, he likely would enjoy seeing them printed and in a nice coffee table album. I think seeing and hearing are the best items for older people, who don't need clothes, food, etc. Phone calls brighten all our days at any age. I would imagine at his age, (assuming his hearing is good), that just some holiday calls to say that, "we're thinking of you," would be a cherished gift!

[Angela Macy]

"they get 10+ calendars a year with all the different things they belong to and insurance and charities,"

True, so do we, but the photos aren't personal to them. My husband gets tons of car calendars each year from his automotive vendors - but he trashes them and hangs the one I made for him that was his personal classic cars and his drag cars exclusively. He brags that he's got his own calendar - everyone who has looked at it really raves about it. Several people have asked me to make one for them.

[Sandra C]

Several posts about photos for distant or elderly relatives made me think of this: how about starting a photo album for them one year? Buy extra pages and fill them with other photos for subsequent years, along with a baked goody or other consumable item. That gives them some newer memories without "something else to dust."

[missymomof3]

My granpa used to get those boxes of oranges/grapefruits,etc from his son in Idaho and seemed to enjoy them.

[KathyNashville]

What about a wreath or an arrangement from LL BEan (or similar catalog)? Anyone ever sent one of those?

Yes! This is our standard gift every year to about 10 out of town/out of sight relatives. I use LL Bean and the quality is very good. I usually place the order to arrive the week after Thanksgiving so they have plenty of time to enjoy the wreath throughout the whole holiday season.:)

[brdgebldr]

DH's family draws names every year and for a few years in a row, a few years back (make sense? :rolleyes: ), we would always draw his grandfather's name. Now, he is one hard to buy for man! He doesn't have any hobbies....at all! He is retired and has been for several years. He and dh's grandmother were able to retire 'comfortably', so he doesn't 'need' anything. The first year I drew his name I worried and worried about what to get him. Then I saw some cashmere socks at Banana Republic. I thought, "If I know anyone that would wear cashmere socks, it is D-Daddy." So, I bought him a couple of pairs. The next year, he requested that I draw his name again. He needed new cashmere socks. And the next year, the same thing. It has been a couple of years since then and I 'legally' drew his name this year again. I asked MIL what he might need and she said, "Cashmere socks." I've already googled and found him a wonderful pair from J.Crew! ;)

[RuthlessRufus]

In addition to working in a nutrition I write freelance film reviews. This year I'm putting together a list of films that ANYONE would like (any adult, that is) - specifically so that I have something to look at when I have to find a gift for someone I don't know very well. So far the list only has two movies, "Life as a House" and "Outsourced" (http://www.outsourcedthemovie.com/). I think the former is good because it's a typical family story, and the latter because it addresses a familiar phenomenon (ever called customer service only to talk to someone in India?) in a heartwarming and gentle way.